A fraction of a second

Sometimes, it's the little things in life that causes people grief and sadness.

I was missing her a lot. And so I kept on hoping that I would randomly meet her. On Monday, I woke up as usual. On the way to class at school, I remembered myself thinking.that I would give anything to see her again.

Derping around and studying in class that day. No teacher. Friends were watching movies when suddenly they called out my name.

"OI ADAM! LOOK OUTSIDE! LOOK!"

I immediately rushed out to see what was their hubbub about. I was stunned. There she was, walking by on her way to her old class. I rushed to the door, put on my best non-blur face, and wiped that silly grin off my face. As she passed by, I just said "Hey". She gave me a smile, and god knows how I missed seeing that. And then she was on her way.

Unfortunately, fate was not on my side. She went back earlier than me. And so, she slipped past my fingers. And so I thought.

Tuesday, I skipped school as usual. My phone rang with the sms tone. Apparently I was chosen to go for a public speaking competititon, and lo and behold, it was to be held in her school. Unbelievable. It was as if I was given a second chance. I agreed without hesitation.

On Thursday, after the first segment of the competition I had a break. My friends were all wishing me luck at this point :D (thanks guys!). I went out, looked down, and there she was, walking by downstairs. I instantly shouted her name, but she couldn't hear it. I rushed down, but it was too late. She had gone upstairs to her class. Once again, I had missed her.

What bites me was the closeness of that time. I missed her by a fraction of a second. If only I went downstairs faster, if only I shouted her name louder....if only, if only. All these things haunt me even today. Why was it so close yet so far? Why was it so minute! :(

Ahwell, hope I get another shot. God willing. Amen.

Sometimes, it's just impossible to let go...

It's been what, two? Three? weeks since she left my school. In this period, I thought I could be strong, I could live it through like all of my past experiences.

I was wrong.

Letting go and moving forward....a phrase so easy to utter, so easy to type out, but impossible to put into action. I've been telling myself this for several days now. Let go! Focus! But to no avail. 

In this period I have been sitting and reminiscing. Thinking. Listening to music. I see her happy with her new friends, and I know I should feel happy too, but I don't know why I feel a pang of jealousy. My selfishness, wanting her to stay with me. :( I'm selfish in that aspect. 

I went through her photo albums online. Liking every photo of her that seemed to smile out at me. Became a borderline creepy stalker. But nothing could mend the hole in my heart. 

I often before sleeping, think of her. And of my past crushes. Each one of them taught me a lesson.

My crush when I was six taught me about girls.

My crush when I was 10 taught me about bonds, with people and others.

My crush when I was 14 up until 17 taught me about humility, because in my arrogance I made her hate me. 

My crush when I was 17 until the end of my high school life taught me about God, and how I could derive my love from faith. 

And now, she taught me about Love. 

Ah....Love. A powerful word. One that I rarely use when referring to my affections. I never refer to anything other than my relationship with my parents as love. And now, I can't deny that these feelings coursing through me is Love.  :)

Constantly thinking of her, constantly missing her. 

I started listening to Utada Hikaru again after a long absence because of her, because she liked to listen to Utada. 

She is a pillar, a bright point of my life, and I swear to protect her.

When she became threatened by a perverted basterd, I went and argued with that basterd. My rival. I ripped off his mask and showed her his true face. But yet she was so kind and forgiving, still friends with that basterd. Yeah. I did nothing.  It was her choice, and I cannot be so selfish as to force my thoughts onto her.

Spending time with her really changed me and moulded me into a more mature person. So thank you, Chubby Bunny. I miss you. Know that I care for you dearly :)

From Nyakitty :3 Nya nyan~