Entered Animangaki Idol auditions today. I got eliminated after being placed on the waiting list.
I did a rendition of Malice Mizer (Gackt's) Gekka no Yasoukyokyu (Moonlight Nocturne). A soulful melody lamenting the fact that two dolls were dancing their last, sad, lonely and beautiful night away. I performed with a good level of showmanship, or so others said.
I found out I didn't advance to the preliminary rounds. Apparently I made it only as far as the waiting list. All my other friends advanced to the prelims.
What hurts so much is that this was supposed to be my farewell performance, the way I planned it. I had hoped and tried my damnedest to pass this audition. People keep telling me don't worry, there's still next year. No. There is no next year. There is no more auditions for me.
I planned to do Malice Mizer's Illuminati provided I passed the auditions. I planned to do a mock story based on the music, one involving being controlled by other people, being a puppet of the Illuminati. It was going to be a musical piece, intertwined with showmanship. And now, POOF! Gone. Utakata no yume. That's what it all was.
In fact, one of the greatest pains was that people keep telling me they couldn't believe how close I was. In fact, one of the people joining prelims is a screamer. He kept screaming in his song. So, instead of getting an A.N.G.R.Y. penned musical, Animangaki 2013 goers are going to get a "rocker" screaming his song.
Well, I guess people just couldn't accept Malice Mizer. After all, they are not as well known as your Ayumi Hamasakis, your Lukas and Mikus.
This may sound bitter, but this is how I feel. To be so close yet so far.
Now excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep again. The pain.
What is human? Nothing but a being of Malice and Misery. -Malice Mizer-
And I am human.
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